Daddy's Talk

Seven Tender Mercies

I would like to begin by thanking all of you for the love and support that you have shown to my family and me.  The past ten months have been incredibly challenging for us, and we are sincerely grateful for all of your kindness in helping to ease the load we have carried. 

I would especially like to thank my firm and the attorneys and staff that I work with for lightening my workload so that I could spend precious time with my dear son, sweet daughters and beautiful wife.  Your selflessness has provided me with a gift for which there is no price. 

I would like to thank the members of our church for tirelessly rallying to our support.  As a family we have been humbled by your eagerness to serve and amazed by the stamina you have shown in continuing to serve us month after month.  You have cared for our girls, cleaned our home, mowed our lawn, brought us meals and provided service in countless other ways.  I must say that the scale in my bathroom evidences that I am a bigger man because of your service, but I am truly a better man because of the love and service you have provided. 

I would like to thank the medical teams that made it possible for us to get to know our sweet Caleb.  Beginning in September, 2013, we have been continually surrounded by incredibly compassionate and competent medical professionals who have stepped beyond their required professional roles and have loved and cared for us on a very personal level.  Thank you for giving us time with our son.

Finally I would like to thank our friends and family.  Thank you for travelling so far to be here.  Thank you for supporting us.  Thank you for loving us.  Thank you for your kindness. 

Today I would like to share with you seven tender mercies that the Lord has provided to my family and me.  I confess there are times I am frustrated and perhaps even angry that our sweet son was not able to live with us in our home, but my frustrations and anger are short lived when I consider the tender mercies that the Lord has provided. 

Tender Mercy Number One: A Selfless Wife - On September 21, 2013, we were concluding an enjoyable evening with friends.  Just before they left, Leah excused herself to use the restroom.  When she returned her eyes were filled with tears, and she informed us that she was bleeding heavily.  Leah and I spent that night in the ER and so began the approximately 1,968 consecutive hours of bed rest that my wife would selflessly endure in order to give our son the best possible chance of survival. 

During this time, Leah was determined to stay positive.  She started a blog, read scriptures, chatted with visitors, read to our son and watched home improvement shows.  I will be forever grateful that any grandiose remodeling ideas that were implanted in her mind by these shows never made it to a “honey-do-list”.  She determined that she would keep a normal sleeping routine and refused to allow herself to nap longer than 15 minutes during the day.  She used a bedpan, took sponge baths and washed her hair with dry shampoo – a product that I doubt she would endorse.  A doer and an exercise enthusiast, Leah put many of her personal interests aside and focused on Caleb.  A good friend of mine told me that people on bed rest lose approximately one percent of their muscle tissue per day.  And so it was with Leah, but she never complained.  As her muscles atrophied, her optimism remained strong. 

I have told my wife this, but I would like to thank her again for selflessly caring for our son so that I would have the opportunity to meet and come to love him.  My wife’s selflessness is a tender mercy from my loving Father in Heaven.

Tender Mercy Number Two: Four Incredible Daughters – With Leah on bed rest I was blessed to be able to spend extra time with our four wonderful girls.  Each is a daughter of God and has a unique and beautiful personality. 

Claire, as the oldest, took the lead as being the strong older sister.  And while I am grateful for the example she set for her sisters, I am equally as grateful for the times that she would sit next to me on the couch and wrap her arms around me for support. 

Hallie is our tender heart.  Quiet and soft spoken, Hallie often lingered near her mother during our visits to the hospital, and each visit generally concluded with Hallie stepping from her mother’s bedside still holding Leah’s hand until the distance finally exceeded her reach. 

Audrey is an emotion sharer.  When times were difficult Audrey was there to share in the sorrow, and when times were happy she added to the joy.  Her infectious laugh lifted every happy moment to an entirely new level. 

Julia is our spunk ball.  Her unique sayings and spontaneous pops of the hip kept us on our toes.  Though she missed her mother, she was resilient in adapting to her new normal.  I am incredibly grateful for her spunky little spirit. 

While these are a few of the characteristics of our sweet girls, it is by no means an exhaustive list of their talents and capabilities.  Each is infinitely unique and incredibly capable, and I am blessed to have such wonderful young women in my life as a symbol of the tender mercy of a loving Heavenly Father. 

Tender Mercy Number Three: A Fighting Son – Caleb was born at 8:35 PM on December 12, 2013.  The doctors knew that Caleb’s lungs would be significantly underdeveloped at birth, so they began bagging him with oxygen almost immediately after the delivery.  After taking Caleb to the NICU, Leah was taken to her room, and I spent the night by Caleb’s bedside.  He was intubated, placed on an oscillating ventilator, strapped to various monitors and hooked up to a variety of medications. 

At approximately 5:30 AM I walked to my wife’s room to give her an update and sleep.  At approximately 6:15 AM one of Caleb’s neonatologists came to Leah’s room to inform us that Caleb had taken a turn for the worse and that we needed to come say our final goodbyes.  In her continued selfless struggle for the survival of our son, Leah had researched the use of nitric oxide for infants with underdeveloped lungs.  When we arrived in the NICU we requested that the doctors give Caleb nitric oxide, which they did, and he quickly began to recover. 

During the first several weeks of Caleb’s life Leah and I were not allowed to hold him.  In fact, reaching into his isolate to touch him during the first few days was discouraged.  Though my wife, having gently carried our son during her pregnancy, felt an immediate connection to Caleb, I did not.  The wires and tubes, and perhaps his fragile state, seemed to form an insurmountable barrier between his heart and mine.  But as we have been told by many close friends Caleb is a fighter.  He fought for his life, and he fought to overcome that barrier between our hearts.  As time passed, and the tubes and wires began to fall away, Caleb and I began to connect.  And while I may not have showered our son with as many kisses as my loving wife, the connection between the two of us grew into something that I hold incredibly sacred and will always cherish as a tender mercy from our loving Heavenly Father.

Tender Mercy Number Four: The Sealing Ordinances of the Temple – On Easter Sunday, April 3, 1836, in fulfillment of the Old Testament promise set forth in Malachi Chapter 4 verse 5, the prophet Elijah appeared to the prophet Joseph Smith in the temple in Kirtland, Ohio.  The prophet Elijah gave to the prophet Joseph the sealing keys of the Melchizedek priesthood, which allow God’s authorized servants to seal families together for time and eternity.  These sealing keys have been passed from prophet to prophet in an unbroken chain to our current prophet, Thomas S. Monson. 

On December 16, 2000, Leah and I entered the Manti, Utah temple, surrounded by friends and family, and were sealed together as a family unit by an authorized servant of God holding these sealing keys.  Each of our children have been born with the blessings of that sealing, sealed to Leah and me for time and all eternity.  By remaining true to the covenants that we have made with God, we can remain a family unit beyond this life and will some day be reunited with our son, as a family.  The sealing keys of the priesthood, which allow families to be united for eternity, is a tender mercy of our Heavenly Father for which I will forever be grateful. 

Tender Mercy Number Five: The Power of the Priesthood – As a holder of the Melchizedek Priesthood, I have the sacred opportunity to provide blessings to those in need, including my children.  One of the sacred ways that I can bless my children is through a “father’s blessing”.  On the day prior to Caleb’s passing, as we were gathered together in the NICU as a family, I felt prompted to give Caleb a father’s blessing.  With my wife holding our dear son, I laid my hands on Caleb’s head and blessed him as directed by the spirit.  As a part of that blessing I was privileged to be inspired to declare to my son, through the power of the priesthood, that Caleb had fulfilled the measure of his creation and that he would be welcomed with open arms by our Savior. 

I am so incredibly grateful that the Lord allows me to hold and exercise the priesthood and for the sacred experiences that come through its use.  The gift of the priesthood in my life has been and continues to be a tender mercy from our loving Heavenly Father. 

Tender Mercy Number Six: The Comfort of the Holy Ghost – After the birth of our son, Leah and I struggled to know the will of God concerning Caleb’s life here on earth.  We both desperately wanted Caleb to make it home from the hospital and to have a wonderful life with our family, but at the same time we didn’t want to continually weary the Lord with prayers that were contrary to his will. 

As I wrestled with this challenge Leah suggested that I read a book by Gerald N. Lund titled Hearing the Voice of the Lord.  In one chapter of this book a woman recounts her story of receiving a call from her doctor telling her that medical test results indicated that her unborn child would suffer from severe defects, if the child survived the pregnancy at all.  The woman describes falling to her knees and pouring out her heart to God.  As she prayed to know the will of the Lord, she felt Heavenly Father say to her “Pray for a miracle.”  When I read those words my heart leapt.  The thought sprang into my mind that I should pray for a miracle for our sweet Caleb.  But before I could speak the words, I was overcome by the spirit.  And in a very tender, yet powerful voice, it whispered to me, “Zeb, you need to pray for comfort.” 

The woman in this story returned to her doctor the next week for follow up testing.  After the tests, the doctor informed her that while the first round of testing was absolutely indicative of the initial diagnosis, the second round of testing showed absolutely no signs of the defects. 

While there is a part of me that still wishes that I could have been instructed to pray for a miracle, I can testify that the Lord directed me to seek the comfort of the Holy Ghost in accordance with his plan, and the Holy Ghost has provided that comfort in accordance with the will of the Lord.  I will forever consider this soft yet powerful whispering from the Spirit a tender mercy of our loving Heavenly Father. 

Tender Mercy Number Seven: Revelation Regarding Caleb’s Path – On Sunday, July 6^th, friends and family joined us in a fast to help us receive direction from the Spirit regarding the future of Caleb’s care.  That Sunday Caleb had a rough morning and his oxygen requirements were up slightly.  The following Monday I felt it best to forgo working from the office and decided to work from the hospital.  That morning was also rough for Caleb, and his oxygen requirements rose from 68% to 90% in a matter of a few short hours.  While previous dramatic increases like this had typically been the result of some underlying cause such as an infection, fever or pneumonia, the doctors indicated that all of the previous days tests had been negative, and they could not determine an underlying cause for Caleb’s increased oxygen needs. 

At that point, Caleb’s plan started to become clear.  I called a family friend and had her bring the girls to the hospital.  We spent several precious hours with our sweet boy as a family.  Leah’s mom then took the girls back to the house, and Leah and I sat side by side taking turns holding our son through the remainder of that evening and all through the night.  That night Caleb’s oxygen requirements climbed to 100%, and on Tuesday morning, at 11:01, Caleb returned to our loving Heavenly Father. 

As my wife and I sat together with our sweet son, our Heavenly Father’s path for him became clear to us.  Being granted a knowledge of this path is a tender mercy from our generous Heavenly Father for which I will always be grateful. 

While my remarks today have focused on seven tender mercies, these mercies are a small beginning to the infinite mercies that the Lord has showered on my family and me.  Though this path has been, and will likely to continue to be, a struggle, I am thankful for a merciful Heavenly Father who has a path for each of His children.  I testify that as we seek to follow the will of the Lord that he will provide us with tender mercies that will illuminate the path that he has prepared for us.  I testify of a loving Savior who will help to carry our burden on our individual paths.  I testify that Christ is our Savior.  I love him.