Your 3rd Birthday Party

We celebrated you in full swing. 

It was so nice to be with family this year but we sure missed 

our NICU and Texas families. 

We started with a photo booth but our family is too big for the backdrop!

Love that nieces and nephews could come!

Your cousin Cohen is an awesome poser, he always cracks us up.

Aunt Michelle looks amazing! I think she should be a professional wonder woman.

Even Ollie wore a superhero mask!

You birthday cake...

..and cupcakes. 

Although I was too emotional to sing to you Maddie really

wanted to. So we sang and cried. I hope you heard us.

 The family all got superhero necklaces to remind them of you!

 We were able to collect enough lovies for the 49 babies in the Utah Valley NICU!

We are so grateful for the family and friends that help us do this.

 Here's the crew of cousins. Wishing we had all the cousins in the picture.

 Lexie has the biggest sweet tooth!

 Partying it up!!!

We love you, Caleb. Happy 3rd birthday!!!!

xoxo

Mom

3 Years

Your third birthday is a day away
I miss you more than words can say

I wish you were here to celebrate
with frosting and cake all over your face

I remember like yesterday just when you were born
My heart eager to meet you yet incredibly torn

The doctors didn't think you'd make it that night
I remember my confused and desperate plight

But make it through the night you did
while Daddy stayed by the side of your crib

Days and months somehow passed by
Dreams of taking you home with us set high

Day after day our arms remained empty
Our burdens seemed hard and sometimes too heavy

I thought the miracles surrounding your birth
meant we would get to raise you on earth

At near 7 months your path became clear
And grateful we were to have time with you here

To hold you, love you and kiss your sweet face
Those blessings were given by God's very grace

At just 6 months old you were given your wings
Because you were meant for incredible things

As I think of you, Caleb, my angel above
I am grateful to feel of my Savior's deep love

For even when life doesn't go how we think
God is always there if we seek

With the pain and grief always there
The savior somehow makes it possible to bear

One day I know we will see you again
And so I'll just have to wait until then

I love you to heaven and back

xoxo

Mom

Burdens

Our church is doing #lighttheworld where we serve in 25 ways for 25 days to share the light of our Savior this Christmas season. Today we are encouraged to share an experience when prayer helped us  carry a burden. What immediately enters my mind is when Caleb was still here and he was so sick. I remember going to the hospital day after day hoping he would get better but being weighed down with the uncertainty and the reality of his situation. That burden was so heavy. So many days I would just sob when I left, or sob when I held him, or sob when another baby went home, or sob when I read a story that turned out differently than ours, or sob when I was in my closet, or sob on my way to see him. That time in my life was excruciatingly painful. Some days I didn't know how I could keep going. I said a lot of prayers. There were days my tears stopped quickly, my heart and mind were comforted and a calmness came to me that was from somewhere else. That comfort and peace came from my savior and I know he helped  me carry my very heavy burdens. Even now I am burdened with the loss of my only son. The pain and heartache continues daily, some days harder than others. It is still a heavy burden. But I still receive a comfort and peace from my Savior. I am forever grateful for my savior and the light he gives me in my darkest hours. He is the light of the world. How special he is to me in my life.