When I stood by your bed today and held your hand I just smelled you and kissed you over and over. I put my face next to yours and laid my head by you. Today was emotional for me. I met another mom in the NICU. Her water broke at 24 weeks and she had her baby at 26 weeks. Her son is a week old and off the ventilator. It's taken all the strength I can muster to not play the "if only" game. If only this, if only that, won't do me any good. Our situation is what it is and we will get through it. When I sang to you and talked to you I whispered that I would do anything for you and that I wished breathing wasn't so hard for you. I'm sorry I can't help you breathe, buddy. I told you I love you over and over. We sure pray for you, sweetheart. We pray for you to have strength and comfort and to feel our love for you.
One of the only things I can really do to help take care of you is to pump and bring you breast milk. I've struggled the entire time with thrush and I've started getting mastitis which have been difficult to push through. I've learned a lot about pumping, if you pump too long you can bleed, if the suction is too high for too long you can have circulation problems and vasospasms making it impossible to pump any milk even though it's there. But I am determined to do this for you for as long as I can.
There is no way around the fact that you are a fighter! 100 days ago our lives were forever changed and our hearts will never be the same. We are so grateful you're part of our family, Caleb.
I love this picture of you.
Xoxo
Mom
What a great job the girls did on the posters. I love the picture of Caleb, too. I can't get over how handsome he is, and how precious. Thank you for letting us in on your feelings, and letting us experience those feelings with you. It helps me feel very close to you, and lets me be a part of this journey in a very personal way. I love you all so much, and I pray for each of you to have the strength you need. I know you have been blessed to be able to do all you have done. Caleb is being blessed, too. These 100 days have been packed with love, and I am certain that Caleb feels it. He is strengthened by your love and faith. He is a very special little boy, sent to a very special family. I'm so thankful for him.
ReplyDeleteJust So precious, Leah. Oh, so precious! XO. <3
ReplyDelete