A little Halloween Surprise!

As I was chatting with Zeb and a friend today in walks in....

three of my nurses from Rockwall!!! It put such a smile on my face. They had a computer class they were taking here and tracked me down. It was such a fun surprise and made me feel right at home. So glad I got to see them. I've been missing the nurses there that I got to know so well. I seriously love my nurses there. 

Zeb came for my sonogram this morning and we ended up having to wait like 3 hours before they saw me. Luckily he was able to work on some things while he was here. The partners he works for have taken most of his workload away which has been amazing. He was able to be with me Monday and then stay home with Julia since she was sick on Tuesday and Wednesday. We feel so blessed. 

Here's the update on the sonogram...

Fluid is at 1.78, which is right around the ones on Monday.

He is still breach but his butt is over the cervix which helps minimize leaking if he stays put. At night he moves a ton so that's when I do most of my leaking. It's weird to incorporate leaking amniotic fluid into your dream when you're at a restaurant with friends. That was last nights dream and then I woke up, of course. It's hard to sleep when I keep waking up but hey, I get to take naps!!! :)

The blood flow in the umbilical cord looks great.

My cervix is still long and closed.

White blood cell count is good.

I got the second steroid shot today.

I am drinking like crazy to make sure he stays well hydrated. I drink over 120 ounces every day.

I think that about sums it up. 

Of course I have to post Halloween pictures because it is Halloween afterall. (I told my nephew Connor  I am a hospital patient for Hlloween and he was like, "But you ARE a hospital patient." So I told him I get to wear my costume every day!!!!)

Here are the girls. I think it is hilarious that for the first time the older three picked ghoulish costumes and then you get sweet Julia as princess and the pop star. I love my girls. More than words can say.

Happy Halloween!!!

Whirlwind of Information

Since arriving Monday we have been given a lot of information that has been really hard. With that information doctors have asked us questions that they need answers to. Questions I hope none of our family and friends ever have to answer.

We've been given statistics that are terrible, outcomes that are frightening, and scenarios we wish we weren't facing. But this is our reality right now. Some days I just take things an hour at a time. Time means everything. 70 percent of babies born at 23 weeks don't survive. Of the 30 percent that do, 20 percent go home with disabilities. With the low fluid levels there is high risk of still birth due to pinching of the umbilical cord and no where to move. Little or no fluid also give high risk for limb abnormalities. Those risks will be there until he is born or fluid goes up. No matter what I do I continually leak each day and my fluid level on Monday evening was 1.9cm. At 24 weeks, survival is 40 percent and at 25 weeks, although still rocky and not out of the woods as far as disabilities and complications at birth, survival goes up to about 50-70 percent. I could go into labor anyday or I could continue for weeks with low fluid. 

I wish I could say, "just come ask me in a few weeks," but that's not realistic. The doctors have to know what measures we will take if I go into labor tonight because they need to have all doctors and specialists on the same page with the same plan. I'm just glad the first few days here are over. Although we are still in the same situation it's nice to have the last few days out of the way.

I completely understand how hard days can be at home with every day things that arise with kids. How much house work there is. How many dishes there are to wash. How many loads of laundry that I dreaded putting away. Having so many things on my list of to do's that I wish I didn't have to do anything. Or the feeling of being 9 moths pregnant and wanting to have the baby so badly because of swelling and being just plain uncomfortable. The lack of sleep because my belly was just so big. But honestly those things are all blessings. I would love to be home making dinner for what feels like the 50th time this week or doing a load of dishes for the fifth time today. I would love to be swollen and feel like a whale because my belly is so big. I may not have those things right now but I can tell you this, not a day goes by that I don't try to see the blessings I have. My perspective is better and I am 
stronger because of it. At the end of the day, good or bad here, I feel strength and love. I am determined to be a better mother because of this trail. A stronger person because of this trial. I will be able to mourn and comfort those in need better. Bot most of all I will, and do, have an even stronger testimony of my Savior. He has comforted me and given me strength constantly. He has blessed my family through the love and service of family and friends around us. Trials are part of life. They are part of living in this world. I am no exception, my family is no exception. But I know how I choose to endure this trial is up to me. Some days are harder than others, and this trial is far from over. But for now I want to look and the blessings I have and the things I am learning. I feel a sense of relief to 
get to through today and I'm going with that! :)

Another day down.
Xoxo
Me

The Real Transfer Post

So today was a very big day.  Julia had been feeling a bit under the weather and when she woke up this morning she had pink eye and a pretty nasty cough. Zeb had planned to be here to help me pack up my room so I could transfer hospitals but he took Julia to the doctor instead. Since they had some time to kill they stopped at the store for a treat. Thank goodness Hostess was purchased out of bankruptcy. 

Since it's Monday it was time for another ultrasound. I wish I had better news to report, and I was really expecting my fluid levels to be at least the same, but the ultrasound indicated that I have just 2 cm of fluid left. Caleb is measuring 24 weeks which is great! After the ultrasound it was time to focus on transferring hospitals. The two hospitals that we had decided on were Baylor and Dallas Presbyterian.  Baylor is closer to Zeb's work so we were hoping for a transfer there for the sake of convenience. Unfortunately they were full and since my fluids were so low we decided not to wait for an opening at Baylor and go straight to Dallas Presbyterian. 

Around 11:45 we got the call that the transfer team would be there in 15 minutes!  Thankfully two sweet friends friends showed up just in time to help pack up the room and get me on my way. Onto the gurney I went and off in the ambulance I rode.

Once we arrived at Dallas Presbyterian the real fun began. They couldn't find the antepardem department so they wheeled me around the hospital for probably thirty minutes. I couldn't see where we were going and we kept going around corners.  Pretty soon I was nauseous  and just wanted to stop.  

Eventually I arrived safely in my room and got settled. The OB came and talked to me and we discussed some of the scenarios that we may be facing. While I'm glad that I'm now at a hospital with a NICU I'm not so excited about all the decisions that we're now facing. After speaking with the OB we went to another ultrasound with the maternal fetal medicine specialist. She confirmed that the fluid was at 2 cm and then we proceeded to have another conversation with scenarios that I realize are now part of reality, but I'd rather not discuss. Instead I will say that we have a short term plan and we will be working on our long term plan after speaking with the pediatrician tomorrow. The short term plan is to try to build up as much fluid as possible over the next few days. I'm 23 weeks today and on Saturday I can get a steroid shot to help Caleb's lungs to develop. If we can get to that point we will have made some great progress. Where we go from there will largely depend on the amount of fluid Caleb has and the risks he is facing from being premature.  

I can't tell you how fortunate I feel to be surrounded by so many wonderful people who are showing their love and support for us. The prayers, meals, help with the kids, visits and every other service has been is such a blessing to our family. 

As we left the hospital in rockwall I was overcome with emotion. The emotion I felt was an intense gratitude for SO many people. My doctor, who rushed to see me when I was leaving and cried with me as we said goodbye, the sweet and caring nurses who took such good care of me, and the friends and family that have been so amazing. Gratitude for the countless prayers said on our behalf, the endless service given every day, and the love we feel from so many people.  

(Dr. Gillean was in her office in Rockwall when she got word that I was transferring in 15 minutes. She rushed into the room and made it just before they got me on the stretcher. I'm so glad Angie took a picture.)

Elder Uchtdorf (a leader in our church) said, "We acknowledge that your path will at times be difficult. But I give you this promise in the name of The Lord: Rise up and follow in the footsteps of our Redeemer and Savior, and one day you will look back and be filled with eternal grattitude that you chose to trust the Atonement and it's power to lift you up and give you strength." My Brother in law sent that to me on Monday and I find comfort in those words.

Another day down. 

Xoxo

Me (and Zeb, we both typed this one) 

Transfer...

I know a lot of you are wondering if we found anything out about transferring hospitals. I thought I'd do a quick post to update everyone on that.

My doctor called Baylor and they said their NICU has been at capacity lately and they take things each day at a time. They won't take me until I'm 23 weeks so Dr Gillean is supposed to call back on Monday to see where things are. If they have room they will take me, if they don't then they won't. We could then keep calling each day to see where they are or we could try a different hospital. Zeb and I definitely have some decisions to make over the weekend. 

This last week has been a lot harder on me emotionally. When the fluid levels were rising pretty high with each ultrasound and I didn't leak very much it was much easier. Now that I've been continually leaking it's much harder. You get to where you tell yourself certain things to get you through and then suddenly your mental game has to completely shift. I feel like I'm in a completely different league. I worry about moving even just a tiny bit and each time I leak and feel like saying, "No, stay in there!!" Most of the time no matter what I do it just leaks anyway. Last night I was crying a little bit to Zeb and he just said, "Honey, you've got to focus on the things that you can control. Not the things you can't." I guess I'm realizing that as much as I wish I could control some things, I just can't. Those are the things that I have to turn over to The Lord. 

On a different note Caleb has been moving like crazy today. Last night the girls all got to feel him move and just loved it. It's one of my favorite things about being pregnant. My tummy is lopsided which the nurse said is normal, women just usually have amniotic fluid to round the stomach out. Since I don't have as much it makes for a lopsided belly. Not sure how to take a 
picture of that. But it's cute to know the big bump at the top is his little head. This is one strong little guy. 

I got to read stories to Julia today and loved it. Little things I could do every day mean just a little bit more now. It's not that I didn't appreciate things before but now they just mean even more than they did. I'm grateful for that.

Zeb stayed home from work today and got to be here with me. He's been able to work remotely and his load has been lightened. The partners her works for and the associates he works with have been so wonderful. Honestly there aren't words to thank them. The time I've been able to have with Zeb to process things, lean on, and cry to means more to me than I can say. 

Hope everyone has a fabulous weekend. 

Xoxo

Me 

What a Day!

I don't even know where to begin. Audrey's birthday was awesome. It feels like it was 3 days thrown into one. But overall it was one awesome day.

After the birthday breakfast in bed and lunch with Angie, Audrey was so excited for cake and presents. While I was talking to Angie on the phone about what presents she needed to wrap and all the other details Zeb, his mom and his dad walked into my hospital room. I was shocked. They had a flight to San Antonio for Zeb's brothers' baby blessing and switched their tickets for an 8 hour layover in Dallas, Zeb picked them up and brought them here and it was so great to see them.

While we were visiting I got a call from Angie. She had felt like she should go to the school to check on Hallie and couldn't stop thinking about her so she left the cake in the oven and ran to the school. She walked into the lunchroom and saw Hallie's head buried in her hands on the lunch table. When she looked up Angie said Hallie's face was covered in hives from an allergic reaction to the peach in her lunch. Hallie just said, "Oh Auntie Angie!" The school didn't have Benedryl so Angie checked Hallie out drove as fast as she could (safely) and walked into the house to the timer for the cake beeping. She pulled it out of the oven and that cake was just right. Honesty what blessings. I know it's simple but I am so thankful for the prompting my sister listened to so that Hallie had someone there for her before she even had to ask. Grateful that Audrey's cake didn't burn. Grateful we could see Zeb's parents if only for a few hours. Grateful Angie could be my hands all day getting everyone ready for Audrey's special day.

After the girls got home from school Angie brought them to the hospital, along with the presents,cake, ice cream, candles, lighter and paper goods. When they walked in the room they saw their Granny and Papa and were soooo excited. Julia had tried to spill the beans but when she told Hallie they were here Hallie's response was, "yeah right." The she tried telling Claire and Claire didn't believe her either. When they saw them they said,"Julia WAS telling the truth!" Such a fun surprise!

 

Audrey immediately wanted to do presents (after hugging granny and papa over and over) so she got to work.

Hallie and Julia decorated her presents with pictures and sayings all over her gifts. My favorite thing that Hallie wrote was, "7 is one step closer Heavenly Father!" I just love that.

Audrey was very excited about her mermaid moxie Barbie. 

Zeb finished frosting the cake because let's be honest, even if I was out of bed he would frost it better than me anyway.

Seriously he is a rock star!

Gotta love Hallie's face here. 

The birthday girl requested a manicure so I painted her nails blue and orange. Didn't do too bad of a job considering the angle. 

Does she not look so adorable? I think her face says it all!!! She felt so loved and so spoiled on her special day. She adored her birthday crown given to her by her cousin Sienna and wore it with pride!

Angie let the adults stay and talk while she took the girls to get dinner.  She brought it back and we all chowed just before the girls gave granny and papa goodbye hugs. It had been about a year since we'd seen Zeb's parents so we feel so blessed they could come even just for a few hours.

Zeb left to take his parents to the airport so the girls just hung out with me. Just before it was time for the girls to go I started leaking more fluid. I was trying to be strong but got emotional and Hallie started crying.  She wanted to know why Heavenly Father was letting this happen. I explained to her that sometimes things happen that we can't control, but that Heavenly Father is always there for us. If he stepped in in every situation we wouldn't  learn and grow the way we needed to. I told her that Heavenly Father hears every prayer she offers and sometimes prayers aren't answered the way we think they will be. He knows what's best for us and there are always blessings ahead that we just can't see. 

Angie took the girls in the hall while the nurses came in to help me. Audrey asked her if I was going to die or if Caleb was going to die. My sweet sister quickly responded that I'm just fine and we are doing everything we can for Caleb. Audrey was sad that I started leaking on her birthday.  I am so grateful Angie was here when Zeb couldn't be. 

Angie took the younger three girls home to put them to bed while I helped Claire with her homework. Zeb came back here and helped Claire finish and took her home. In the meantime Hallie's Benedryl was working all too well. She practically fell asleep on the bathroom floor while she was brushing her teeth. 

Did we seriously fit all off that in one day? Julia asked at one point, "When it's my birthday can I have my party in the hospital?" 

5 is Good

Had the ultrasound this morning, My AFI is at 5 even. Quite honestly I was a bit surprised and a little bummed. I was really hoping to have more cushion with my fluid levels. But like my nurse said, "5 is good! 5 is enough."

Dr. Gillean hasn't made her rounds yet so I haven't been able to talk to her about how the transfer is coming along.  Hopefully things will go smoothly and Baylor will accept the transfer.

My sister Angie is in full swing birthday mode. My little Audrey is 7 today. I adore her and am so grateful she is part of our family. Zeb gave her breakfast in bed...lucky charms at her request. Angie went to school to have lunch with her. We are planning take out dinner here and yummy cake and ice cream. She is very excited to open her presents. I am just so excited to see her. 

I'll post later all of the birthday goodies and pictures. So grateful Angie is here running around for me. Baking her cake, buying her balloons, and wrapping her presents. 

Caleb's heart rate is still strong. He is still moving around even though it's a little squishy. I still have some fluid in there for him. I have no signs of infection. No contractions or laboring. I have a happy birthday girl, 3 excited sisters, and a rockin husband. So many blessings.

Xoxo

Me

Keep on Keepin' on

I got a text from my friend Ali today and that's what she said at the end "keep on keepin on." That pretty much sums it up. Just taking each day at a time.

My next ultrasound is on Thursday so we won't know fluid levels until then. When the Dr came in this morning she said if it's not leaking much it means it's rebuilding, which makes us all happy. She said with fluid levels in the 4 and 5 range it's enough fluid for Caleb. That's always reassuring. 

Zeb talked to a coworker who's wife is at Baylor and she said they take transfers at 23 weeks. She has been there for 7 weeks and has had a really good experience thus far. Baylor has a great staff of specialists and an excellent NICU. It's also about 5 minutes from Zeb's office which would be great. I would get to see him way more often if I transferred there. My Doc is going to look into it and see if they would accept me. 

Trying to stay as still as I can makes for difficult positions and a very sore neck/headaches but that's the least of my worries.  I have pretty much stopped leaking and can move a bit more. :)

Yesterday was very emotional for me as I heard the sweet sound of a newborn baby cry next door.  It unleashed a lot of emotions. I know we are in the Lord's hands and I am not alone. None of us are ever alone. We can get through anything with the Savior. As we trust in him and remain faithful He will always be there. 

Her are some pictures of the kiddos. Love to you all and thank you for everything.

P.S. Zeb is rocking the girls' ponytails these days! I'm super impressed with his skills. 

Weekend Setback

Saturday night I set up to have someone come babysit so Zeb and I could have a date night. Even though we couldnt go anywhere we wanted to spend time together just the two of us. Just as he was picking up the babysitter my fluid started leaking again. We had an ultrasound which showed AFI at 11 but I kept leaking. We arranged for someone to stay with the girls so Zeb could be with me. The bishop came by and he and Zeb gave me a blessing. It always gives me strength when I receive blessing. I am so grateful for the priesthood. I leaked all through the night. By Sunday morning I had almost stopped leaking completely. They happened to come for the ultrasound while Zeb ran to church to teach a lesson. So Zeb was there when  I found out my AFI was 3.7. To be honest, I was really surprised it was that low and so was Zeb. I just didn't think I leaked as much as I did 2 weeks ago, let alone more. Zeb came right over when he got the text from me about my levels. When he got here he was hoping it was a typo. I was grateful to hold his hand and have him here. 

In the afternoon the young men from our church came over and brought us the sacrament. As they blessed the sacrament the spirit was strong. It was one of the most spiritual times I have ever taken the sacrament. I could feel the words of the prayer and the promises the Savior gives. If we keep His commandments and always remember Him we WiLL have his spirit to be with us. The closeness I felt to my Savior was a very neat and strengthening experience for me. 

We had lots of visitors, texts and calls. We are so grateful for all the love, prayers, and support. We are thankful for each and every one of you. 

My AFI this morning is at 4.9. It took quite a while to find pockets of fluid that didn't have the umbilical cord in them. And although they were small, I did have a few. We will continue to take each day as it comes and find strength in The Lord. He knows us and what we are going through. He is strengthening me more than I can even express. 

Dr. Gillean came in this morning and we had a long chat. She is such a great Doctor. At this point her thinking is that the 2 layers of the membrane (in the amniotic sac) shift. With the tear through the entire membrane she thinks that one of the layers shifts closing the tear more. Then for whatever reason, maybe baby moving or high level of fluid etc, the membrane shifts and the door opens more or even completely. Because of this situation it will be up and down a lot and we just wait it out. We are hopeful the fluid will build back up because it did the first time. No signs of infection and no contractions.

At this point if I were to go into labor my situation is different than others. If I were just having preterm labor they would most likely give me some drugs to stop labor. But typically if you go into labor when you have PROM (premature rupture of membranes) it's linked to an infection from me or the baby. So it usually does more harm than good to aggressively stop contractions in my situation.

We are two weeks away from viability, or the age in which this little guy could have a chance to survive. I will still be transferred when I reach 24 weeks to a hospital with a NICU and hope to stay pregnant as long as possible. At that time they can give me a steroid shot to help his lungs develop faster which typically will help him do better once he is born. We need more time. It feels so close I can almost touch it, but yet I can't. Caleb's heart rate is in the 140's and he now weighs 1 pound. He still moves quite a bit. They put me back on IV fluids to help try and build up my AFI. We are doing all we can and like I said, we will just take things one day at a time.

Thank you everyone for your prayers and love.

We will get though this.

Xoxo

Leah 

A few things I've learned

First things first, my fluid level today was 12.7!!!! Seriously, we are so excited. I'm going to try sitting up higher, try laying on the left side and a few more things to see if I have any leaking. If I do, I'll stay here and keep doing what we are doing. If I don't, we could talk about possibly going home on bed rest next week. My levels are in a totally normal range and I am just thrilled that there is enough fluid for Caleb to develop. 

Okay on to a few things I have learned while here.

1. Never use an electric razor on your armpits. Really. Even it its a female razor. If you do, you'll think things are great at first and you won't be hairy anymore. But then about 3 minutes later your armpits will start to sting. Give it a good 10 minutes and it will feel like your armpits are covered in paper cuts. You'll want to leave your arms out instead of at your side but that will remind you of the meatheads at the gym that only workout their upper bodies and can't put their arms down all the way. But it will only hurt for the first day. That's some good information. 

2. When using a bedpan you have to make sure your bed is flat. If it's not, the bed pan can spill out the back where you don't have eyeballs and are clueless your urine is now on the mat. The kicker is that you'd think you could feel it under you but with the tucks pads they put on your bed it absorbs enough you can't tell, but not enough that it doesn't slowly soak into your clothes little by little. Then half an hour later when you go to change your shirt you might hear your husband say, "Your shirt is really wet, not sweaty though, I think it's urine." But you'll probably try to write it off as sweat until you realize it is most definitely urine. That's also some good information. 

3. When you go a few days without seeing your husband you might kiss him a little longer even though your kids are in the room. They might scream and say, "Oooh gross!!!" So when you need to kiss him again you might just tell the kids to go behind the curtain. 2 of your kids might take you up on the offer. Another one might say, "Oh I don't mind." And another might say, "It's okay I've seen the Hunger Games." There might be lots of laughing and comments but it's worth it to get a kiss. FYI.

Zeb took the girls to the daddy daughter camp out tonight. They were so excited. I sure hope the weather cooperates. 

I am so blessed. I have an amazing, out of this world husband. 4 fun, sweet, and spunky girls. A baby boy to add to our family. Support from friends and family. Prayers from so many, even strangers. Help from so many people I cant count. Visitors to help me pass the time. Strength from The Lord. And a testimony that will always be mine no matter what happens. 

Have a great weekend. 

Xoxo

Me

Favorite Things

Disclaimer: After spending 3 and a half hours typing this post which got deleted I learned a valuable lesson. Save as you go. Well, here goes again.

I love the text I got from Zeb a few days ago, "Somehow Julia got out of the house today with high heels on." She sported a yellow and black plaid collared shirt, a brown skirt with white swirls, and high heel shoes that are five sizes too big. Oh how I wish I could have been a fly on the wall in her classroom that day. Oh how I love that girl.

One of the first days the girls came to see me Julia had to go to the bathroom. She must have seen the pink bedpan in the bathroom and mentioned something to Audrey about me using it. Later on I told the girls that I go to the bathroom in a bedpan. Julia responded (as she threw out her hand and cocked her head to the side) by saying, "I called it," just as Audrey said, "Julia guessed it." They thought it was the funniest thing ever that I go to the bathroom in a pan. They got a great laugh.

One of my favorite things about Zeb is his sense of humor. The first few days I was here my bed was flat to minimize the leaking. No incline makes feeding yourself a bit tricky so Zeb got the honors. He couldn't just feed me. No, he had to do sounds and airplanes. Or shove another bite in before the other one was gone, giving me chipmunk ckeeks. Having a husband that makes wise cracks and jokes all the time doesn't mesh well with a wife that is leaking amniotic fluid each time she laughs. And honestly it's like he thinks of the funniest thighs to say in intense situations so I was begging him to stop. He tried his hardest to bite his tongue but gosh he's funny. Having him here the first week was such a blessing. A favorite memory for sure. 

One of my favotie things about Claire is how she takes care of her sisters. The first night I was in the hospital Kelly stayed at our house with the girls. In the morning she could hear Hallie crying. She told me she found Hallie in Claire's bed where Claire was comforting her and her sisters. Oh how I love her. I love the relationship they have with each other and hold it close to my heart. It's so hard for me not to be with them.  But I am so glad they have each other, not to mention all of the stand in moms that my wonderful friends are for them. Thank you all so much.

While my mom was here we chatted up a storm. At one point she said, "I have to go to the bathroom." My response was, "Okay, I'll just wait here." My mom got the biggest kick out of it which made me laugh too. I could hear her laughing while she was in the bathroom. Favorite memory right there.

Hallie was so exited to show me the new pair of skinny jeans that Sydney Wilson gave her. She showed me the bling on all the pockets and just walked around the hospital room with a grin on her face. The best part was when we would hear a pop and Hallie would lift up her shirt to show us the unbuttoned button. If she pushed out her tummy it would pop right open. We got a great laugh throughout the visit as the pop of the jeans would continue. But a weak button was not about to prevent Hallie from wearing her cute skinny jeans with bling. Of course she wore them to school today and I have a feeling they will be her favorite pair of jeans this school year. Oh how I love her.

Amanda told me this next story while she was here. One night when she was with the girls she told them all kinds of stories. She told them one about my dad. When he was on his mission in Florida his companion was in the bathroom when a huge rat came up out of the toilet. The girls screamed and the story lingered a little longer for Audrey. At dinner she left to go to the bathroom and came back too fast. Claire knew she wasn't gone long enough and said, "Audrey you're afraid of the rat aren't you?" So Audrey says, " I really have to go to the bathroom by I'm afraid a rat might come out so will you come with me?" Amanda waited outside the bathroom and when they came back in the kitchen Amanda remembered something she had forgotten to tell her daughter. When Amanda remembered she said, "oh rats!" (Ironically this is a phrase my sister uses often.) To which Audrey replied, "Could you please use another word, it reminds me of the rat." Amanda got the biggest kick out of it and when she told me I was pretty much rolling. Sweet Audrey. Oh how I love her. 

My kids' teachers are pretty much my favorite. Every one of them. They have been so sweet about our situation and have told us that our family is in their prayers. Hallie's teacher sent me a message the other day about how Hallie came to her and wanted to talk about me going to the other hospital. Hallie started crying and her teacher just hugged her with tears in her eyes too. She said how much she loves Hallie and will give as many hugs as she needs. They have all been just wonderful and I am so grateful to know they are cared for and loved when they are at school. 

Every night before bedtime I do favorite things with my girls. Julia always wants to go last. Audrey and Hallie can never pick just one thing, it's usually at least 3. I told them that while I'm in the hospital my favorite thing about every day will always be seeing them (with Zeb, of course) and listening to Caleb's heart beat. If you haven't done favorite things with your kids I recommend it. Not matter what there is something in your day that is good. Some days there are more than others, but there is always something. Each day is a gift. Each day is a blessing. 

Here are some of my favorite recent pictures of the girls. I love it when people send me pictures of what they're up to. 

Totally Awesome!

I had my biweekly ultrasound today and my fluid level was at 12!!! Wahoo! After the ultrasound I could feel a minimal amount of leaking but so small it's almost nonexistent. Dr. Gillean loves where things are and says we will just keep doing what we are doing. Caleb's heart rate was 137 and things looked great. 

Caleb's hand is always by his face when I get ultrasounds and this morning was no exception. 

My mom was able to get on the first flight this afternoon to Salt Lake. Totally awesome!!!

We had such a great visit and I am so grateful she was able to come. The girls are doing much better now that's they have had time to process things more. They had so much fun with Gram; we all did!

My sister Angie sent me a package with a quilt she made to brighten my room and keep me cozy.  It's fun to have little touches from so many of you that have visited or sent things. I am always in shock at how many people send things, visit, call and text. I am so grateful for each and every one of you. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. I can feel the love from people that can't be here and appreciate all the prayers on behalf of our family. Our ward family has been phenomenal and there are not enough thank you's in the world.

Totally awesome about sums up everything in this post. Fluid levels, family, friends, love and support, successful flight for my mom, and everything in between. Totally AWESOME!!!

Xoxo

Me

One week down!

Yesterday I got my hair washed. That felt great. One of the nurses took the headboard off the hospital bed and moved the bed up against the sink. I shimmied and scooted to the top of the bed to wash it. It worked pretty well I might add. It was nice to have a clean scalp. After doing so much moving i started leaking more than I have been which tells us that the tear hasn't sealed. At least not completely. But that's okay. I will stay in bed at the hospital for weeks If that means I can stay pregnant for longer. 

I have found a few things that seem to minimize the leaking to almost a halt. I lie almost completely flat. That doesn't give me many options for things to do (even reading I have to hold my book in the air) but that's okay. I only go to my right side. I realized that I was on my left side when I started leaking and was on my left side when a huge gush came out Saturday night. So I never lay on my left side unless they are changing my sheets. I go to the bathroom in a bedpan. I've got that down to a science now. The girls think it's hilarious that I go to the bathroom in a pan in bed. I have a good story I'll tell tomorrow. :) 

Zeb went back to work today and my mom leaves tomorrow.  I'll try and keep myself busy with the blog, reading, and visiting. I always love having visitors. Thank you everyone for your visits, texts, calls, and love. The highlights of my day are listening to Caleb's heartbeat and having my family visit. Goodness I love my girls and husband. I am truly blessed.

Here is a picture of Julia when she got to join her friends for bring a friend week in ballet last week. She absolutely loved it.

Zeb's brother Abe and his family came to Dallas for quick trip to go to Great Wolf Lodge. They were able to come visit me after church and somehow managed to get past the nurses desk where they normally stop any kids coming in but mine. I was so glad they did because I was able to meet my new niece Brooklynn who was born last month. We had a great visit.

Yesterday was so busy I didn't even get time to post. Loved all the visits. 

Thank you everyone for coming to see me. 

One week down. Woot Woot!!!

Xoxo

Me

Stalled on Standby

The story of my mom getting to Dallas is a pretty good one. Too good not to share. 

She was trying to fly standby for her first time and hoping to get on a flight on Wednesday last week. The unfortunate thing was that the flights were all overbooked. After not making the first flight she asked the group of people standing around if they were all standby too. One man came forward and said he was, and they started talking. Chris had been trying to get to Dallas from Hawaii where he lives with his family. His wife and 2 kids ended up catching a flight first, assuming he and their 8 year old daughter would follow soon after. They were in Hawaii for 4 days unable to catch a flight and then he decided to try Salt Lake in hopes of getting to Dallas faster. His week vacation was more than half over. What a bummer.

Cris and my mom talked while waiting for the second flight, but they missed that one as well. The flights looked terrible for the rest of the day. He mentioned that his wife wanted to drive from Dallas to Salt Lake to get him and my mom said he could rent a car and drive to Dallas in 20 hours. That put them in problem solving mode. They overheard an employee at the next gate announce, "All remaining standby passengers can now board." They looked at each other and my mom said,"I wonder where that flight is going!" She ran over and found out it was going to Austin, and Chris said his wife could pick them up there. They got their tickets changed and ran back to the gate just as the plane doors closed. Ah nuggets. 

They went back to the help line and found out that there was a flight going to Oklahoma City at 1:55.They put their names on the standby list and waited. The standby list wasn't very long which was good, but the gate attendant mentioned there were also 9 Delta employees who had requested the flight. They had 30 minutes to activate their request. Seriously!! They watched the clock and the screen that told them how many seats were available like hawks. When the half hour was up there were 4 seats available and 3 standby passengers: Chris, his daughter, and my mom. The most suspenseful part was that Chris had mentioned a flight in Hawaii that had 60 available seats and by the time the plane was boarding, all 60 seats had been filled and he missed yet another flight. Thankfully they made it on the flight to Oklahoma City! Chris called his wife and she left Dalls to pick them up, leaving at the same time the flight left.  My mom's luggage, however, was in Dallas. They landed in Okay City at 5:15 and waited an hour and a half until Chris's wife got there. Zeb planned to meet them at their hotel in Addison at 10:00 after he picked up my moms suitcase at DFW.

My mom got to listen to gospel music with this sweet family as they drove for three hours together. She loved it and sang along happily. Their family is originally from Dallas but moved to Hawaii 10 years ago. I love Texas. I love the kindness so many show that are absolute strangers. I'm not a native but I have Texas pride! I still can't believe my mom hitched a ride to Dallas. 

Having my mom here has been so wonderful. I am so grateful she was able to get here and be with our family. Saturday she went to the arboretum with Zeb and the girls. They love spending time with Gram. 

"I love it!"

Dr. Gillean made her rounds this morning and those were the words she used at the end. She loves where we are right now. She loved that the AFI was at 9.8 and said that means I'm still leaking but he has plenty of fluid right now.  She talked about how if the tear in the sac is where they think it is (which is higher), there is less of a chance of infection. When the tears are lower and close to the cervix there is a higher risk of infection. She likes that it's higher. Yay!

When the girls visited this morning they got to listen to Caleb's heart beat which was fun. Still strong in the high 140's. My mom has been giving the girls a lesson on the amniotic sac, the uterus, the placenta and what amniotic fluid is so they can understand what's going on. That has helped a lot. She has a whole diagram with labels and arrows. She is a teacher through and through. 

When they visited the other day Audrey happily declared, "I didn't cry at school today!" The girls are each trying to cope and process things. It's such a hard thing for their little minds and hearts to understand. It's hard for any age, even grown ups. My mom talked to the older three for about an hour last night asking them what they were each worried about.  Audrey is worried about her birthday and not seeing me. My mom was able tot tell Audrey that auntie Angie would be here for that and that was exciting news! Claire is worried about money and worried there won't be enough for Christmas. My mom explained that she didn't need to worry about that and things are okay there. Hallie is worried about when she is having a hard time at school and silently cries with her head on the desk. She doesn't know what to do. Claire and my mom explained that she needs to find something she can think about to get her mind off things and that she can pray. She said she will try to find something that works for her. Claire said that she has a mansion in her head that she decorates when her mind needs to be distracted. Bless their hearts I just love them so much. They are all so worried about the holidays coming and how different things will be without me home. Claire knows it's best for me to transfer hospitals to where they have a level 3 NICU but that means they won't get to see me every day. Im so grateful for technology and that I can see them on FaceTime once I'm transferred. I'm so thankful for prayer and for the peace the spirit can bring our family during this time. 

We are brainstorming new traditions we can have. We will compose letters to Santa to please tell their elf Lucy to visit the hospital. They will write to Santa and explain that I'm at the hospital and see if he might be able to leave a few presents here. I can still get them ready for Halloween and be involved with costumes (yeah for buying them a year ahead!) Maybe we can eat thanksgiving dinner in my room! We will find fun new traditions. We can tweak old traditions. We will get through this and be stronger because of it. 

Xoxo

Me 

Here are some pictures of what we've been up to.

9.8 and Rising

So excited! The ultrasound fluid levels were up to 9.8 today. So awesome. Caleb's heart rate was still in the 140's and strong. He is moving around like crazy again since he has more fluid. He is breech but no significant leaking. 

Claire came home from school yesterday with strep throat. When I woke up with a sore throat this morning my doctor ordered different antibiotics just to be safe. I'm adjusting to laying down all day and am so grateful for all the love and visitors. 

Love having my mom here. Love having Zeb here for a few more days before he has to go back to work. Love having the girls visit me each day and that I can FaceTime family that is far away. Love knowing that my family is taken care of and that so many people are so willing to help and serve me and my family. 

This morning when they took the ultrasound Caleb's was sucking his thumb. He has done this a few times and I always love seeing it. 

"I like it!"

Dr. Gillean made her rounds this morning and as always it was great to see her. I love my doctor. She is happy with the fluid level up in the sevens. She mentioned that my tear in the sac is most likely at the site where I had the sub chorionic hemorrhage and that means it's higher up. The lower part of my amniotic sac is most likely intact which is great! And because the leak is near the hemorrhage it has potential to seal over due to the scarred tissue and the properties in the blood.

I asked her what the plan would be if it did seal over and she said they will be checking my levels of fluid twice a week. If my fluid level gets to 10 and stays there for over a week then she would discuss the possibility of going home. But she likes where things are. She is happy if I stay the way I am and leak a little, produce, and stay in bed for weeks. She is happy with that scenario and it seems most likely. I love that she keeps saying, "I like it!"

Caleb's heart rate is strong in the 140's. He is moving more now that there is more fluid. The girls came to see me the other day and Julia ran to my tummy and nuzzled Caleb saying, "hey, little buddy!" The girls went to the pumpkin patch with my sister when she was here and they brought baby Caleb a pumpkin. They've decorated my room with a Halloween paper chain and lots of pictures.

I enjoy ever visitor, text and note. I am overwhelmed with love and prayers and our family is so grateful. The Relief Society at church has stepped in and done so much. As soon as I figure out blogging from an ipad I'll attach pictures and have more than mountains of words.

Xoxo

Back Story to Present

About three weeks ago I had heavy bleeding and was told to go to the ER. I had an ultrasound and was told that part of my placenta was detached and to follow up with my doctor. I was on strict bed rest and told this was something they would need to monitor throughout my pregnancy.  The next day I followed up with my OB and she wanted an in depth sonogram by a perinatologist.

The next day I went to the specialist and was told I had no sign of a tear in the placenta, no signs of the bleeding!!! We were shocked. I only had to stay in bed for the rest of the week and then I could resume normal activities! Better than we could have hoped for!

I followed orders and stayed in bed for the rest of the week. Family and friends helped so much and we received so many prayers on our behalf. I had my 19 week ultrasound scheduled on the Monday I could resume normal activities and was tempted to cancel it, we had just seen baby boy (Caleb) and all was well. Since I love seeing my babies I decided to keep the appointment.

Monday morning I was up and at 'em. Felt great to be out of bed. Felt great to do things for the girls again, clean, lighten Zeb's load, and run errands. I cleaned, went to costco, hobby lobby and walmart. Then rested a bit before my appointment. I went to my appointment and Caleb looked great. But the sonographer said I had a sub chorionic bleed next to the placenta and he would consult the doctor.

As a precaution my OB put be back on bed rest to try and allow the hemorrhage to be re absorbed and avoid getting larger. Back in bed for 2 more weeks. Friends came to my rescue again. The girls took it pretty hard but we adjusted okay.

5 days into the 2 weeks (Saturday October 5th) I felt something I had never felt before.  I had been passing old blood all week but things changed. It knew I wasn't peeing my pants but there was a lot of liquid. I was puzzled and asked my sister Amanda if it was normal and she said call the OB just to be safe. The on call Doctor said to go into the ER to rule out amniotic fluid.

I was hesitant. I had just arranged a night out for Zeb so he could get some time out if the house and work and didn't think anything was really wrong. He insisted we go in just to see what was going on. We went to the mini ER by our house where they did an ultrasound. Caleb was healthy and  I seemed to have enough fluid. But during the ultrasound I had a big gush of fluid. Then when the doctor came in to talk to me I felt another gush. At that point I knew it was amniotic fluid and burst into tears.

We went to labor and delivery and tried to be calm. A friend met us at the hospital and he and Zeb gave me a blessing. Amanda talked to us about different scenarios and that it didn't mean the end of the pregnancy. I prayed to have the strength to get through whatever happened and tried to have faith
in Heavenly Father and His plan. My mind was everywhere that night as we were waiting to get an ultrasound the next morning, as we were waiting to see if I went into labor.

In the morning (Sunday) I had another ultrasound and amazingly I hadn't lost all the fluid. My level was 4.3 (it had been 8.2). I hadn't had any contractions. His heart beat was strong in the 140's and 150's! Such great news. These are a few scenarios we were given.
1. I could go into labor at any time.
2. I could continue to leak fluid but produce more each day and stay in the hospital as long as possible. Staying pregnant until he is old enough to survive (that is at 24 weeks). Then be transferred to a hospital with a NICU.
3. Be one of the 14 percent whose leak actually reseals and go home, possibly even carry this baby to term or close to.
After the news we received about the fluid and no contractions we were very excited. By Sunday or night I had almost completely stopped leaking.

The girls came to see me Sunday and it was very hard on them. We prayed together and I just held them. It's hard for a 6 year old to understand that having their mom be in the hospital during all the upcoming holidays is a good thing because it means baby brother can grow and be able to survive when he comes out. Realizing I would be in here on her birthday was rough. They came again that night to say goodnight and I loved every minute with them.

Amanda my sister flew in from Utah and helped tremendously. She left her family, 6 kids, and came immediately and helped me so much with her love and knowledge of labor and delivery and NICU.

Zeb has been a rock. His strength astounds me. I am so grateful for our eternal marriage and the support he gives me endlessly. Boy am I lucky.

Monday morning my fluid level was 4.8 and no major leaking. No signs of labor. More great news. Caleb's heart rate was still strong. Monday brought great news but had a reaction to the antibiotics. I threw up and couldn't keep anything down. My neck was killing me from laying flat for so long and my headache wouldn't go away. I felt so awful. I looked and Zeb and said, "How can I do this for 10 weeks?" His response was of course perfect. "We just need to get through a day at a time. You can do this."

Tuesday was sooooooo much better. I felt like myself again. I felt great!

Wednesday, which is today, brought awesome news! My fluid level is up to 7.8 which is almost in the normal range. 8-18 is considered normal. I am making more fluid than I am leaking. Caleb's heart beat is still strong. No signs of labor. Such amazing news considering our situation.

We have had an outpouring of love. An outpouring of prayers. Visitors streaming in. Calls and texts. So many ready and willing to help. So many doing so much for us. We can't thank you enough. You all know who you are.

Here is what I know right now. Heavenly Father has a plan for us. For our family. While we don't know what it is, I know He is aware of us. He will help us through this. I know our family is sealed in the temple and that we will all have the opportunity to be together again.  I am holding to what I know, not to what I don't. I am so grateful for what I know.

I created this blog for far away family and friends that want to know what's going on.  And to have this experience written down.

One day at a time.

Xoxo
Me