Spoiled

Started off the day with a visitor which is always nice. So grateful when I see friends. I had 3 visitors yesterday...SPOILED! I got a foot rub,  my hair washed and styled, and some mini Christmas trees for my room. So fun. Oh and last night I got to see Zeb after work. A friend kept the girls late so Zeb could come see me. It was wonderful. Such a great day yesterday...okay back to today...

After my visit this morning I went for my sonogram. It started off rocky. The tech told me she couldn't find any fluid. I felt the worry start to creep in and thoughts of discouragement. But I told myself to wait for the doctor before I reacted. So I did just that and he measured 2.2. That was a relief. If I don't have any fluid things just get more complicated. It means there's less of a chance for Caleb to develop his lungs, it means movement is even more difficult etc. I'm grateful he has some fluid and a chance to develop his lungs. 

I talked to the specialist and he seemed hopeful that he has had enough fluid for lung development. It was nice to have some optimism in a doctor. Although I make my own. :) Caleb is still breech and the likelihood of a c section high. To be honest I'm kind of terrified of one, I have no idea why. I know lots of people that have had c sections!!! If it happens oh well. I know it will be okay. Just an irrational fear.

Lots of people have been asking about how long I will be able to carry the baby. The protocol with ruptured membranes is to take the baby at 34 weeks if the mother makes it that far. So for me that is January 13th, 5 weeks from Monday. I would love to make it that far but I am honestly just grateful for each day. 

Zeb is taking the girls to his firm Christmas party tonight. I am so excited for them to go. In fact they are there right now. Santa is at the party and gives each of the children a small gift. How fun is that? I am thrilled they got to go. Can't wait to hear about it and see pics. I'll of course post some when I get them. 

Hope everyone has a wonderful evening. 

Another day down.

Xoxo

Me 

P.S. I started getting up to use the bathroom Monday. Once or twice a day for a few days and then I'll add another trip and so on. Just working my way up slowly. Eventually I'll start showering. It's been nice to get up. My calves have never felt like this before. They are balled and cramping so bad by the time I get back to bed. It going to take time to get my strength again but that's expected. Here is my 28 weeks preggers picture...

Not What I was Expecting

A Neonatologist was able to come talk to me today. The conversation did not go as I had planned. It was a different doctor than the one we had talked to originally, but that was expected. I mentioned to him that I wanted to hear the new odds now that we had made it to 28 weeks. 

He said that while the odds are significantly better at 28 weeks, 90 percent survival with 10% disabilities, that because my water broke we don't know how his lungs will function. My situation is not the normal scenarios and statistics. He spent the next 15 minutes talking about how I could go even longer into the pregnancy but that until he is born we just don't know how his lungs will function or if they will function at all. I felt like I was suffocating. This was supposed to be an awesome encouraging talk. Anytime he would give me any statistic he would mention that we just won't know until he's born. I know you have to be realistic but I feel like you have to balance realistic with hopeful. The balance was off and after he left I burst into tears. 

I couldn't help but think of all we have been through and sobbed at the possibility of still losing this sweet baby. But as I cried and thought about things I couldn't help but feel like that isn't the way this story will end. I can't help but feel that Caleb is strong and being strengthened and he will be a fighter when he is born. I've come too far, we've come too far, for me to just focus on the negative. While it is something to be comcerened about there are so many more positive things that have happened, miracles, that I will not ignore. I will continue to pray that Caleb will be born at the right time. I will continue to put my trust in Heavenly Father. 

There is in opposition in all things. Obstacles in the way. Blocks to stumble on. Around every corner is something unforseen. I can choose fear. I can worry about things and allow pessimism to take root or I can choose hope and faith. If I lived life focusing on things that go wrong and expect the worst it would be a miserable life. If I trust in The Lord and have faith in Him, with hope in whatever is to come, life is rich and beautiful and worth enduring. During this experience there have been so many things that have been devastating, however there have been miracles to counter them. I see the Lord's hand throughout the pregnancy and I trust Him. 

I told Caleb to keep fighting. I'm going to keep fighting. We will get through this, one day at a time. 

Xoxo

Me 

One week Older!

For the last few weeks I started singing to Caleb on Mondays. Each Monday marks another week and they each feel like huge milestones. Here's what I sing...

"You had a birthday, shout Hooray! We want to sing to you today. One week older and stronger too, Happy Birthday, to you!" 

Today I'm kind of on cloud nine! Each nurse or doctor I see, I throw my hands in the air and practically shout for joy. I am so happy to be 28 weeks. Such a miracle. We have come so far from the time my water broke when he wasn't big enough to survive. 

When the neonatologist first came to talk to us when I was 23 weeks the odds were so hard to hear. He mentioned that if I reached 28 weeks he would love to come back to give me those statistics. I asked the nurses to have him come talk to me. Hopefully he will come in tomorrow and I'll get to hear completely different odds. What I read online is so promising. 

Zeb took the girls for family home evening to pick out a Christmas tree. Normally we go the day after thanksgiving and cut one down at a tree farm. This year they got one locally and we will resume our tradition next year. I think they picked a good lookin tree! 

Although this post is short, it is HUGE! Turned a big corner today and couldn't be happier! 

Another day down,

Xoxo

Me 

Goodbye November, Hello December!

I can't believe today is December 1st. 2 months ago was when my hospital stay started and I'm so happy to have made it this far. This morning Zeb got the girls ready for church in their Christmas dresses. He even curled all of their hair!!! Seriously amazing. They looked so darling and I love that he took a picture for me to see. Love him. Love these girls. 

After church and lunch he brought them to come see me. They brought the advent bag and opened it here. We read the story of the Savior's birth and opened the Christmas nativity to play with.

Claire had guessed what it was after reading the story. They were super excited. I have always wanted to get the fisher price nativity for them but never did. I was worried they were too old but I decided to get it anyway. Even if they don't play with it it's still fun to have. 

Well, the nativity was a huge hit. They played for a long time and I have a feeling it will be well played with at home! 

I started bleeding yesterday but am happy to report that I haven't had any contractions and the bleeding has stopped. I am so glad December is here and Caleb is still growing on the inside. 

Zeb was doing some research and found that of the 2-3 percent of women who pPROM, only 1 percent rupture earlier than 20 weeks like I did. Of the 1 percent, 75 percent go into labor in the first 48 hours!!! I didn't realize it was that high. Now I understand why my care and everything I'm going through is still so gray. There just isn't enough cases to get answers yet. So grateful for the miracles we have witnessed and the blessings that have come to us. 

Thank you, everyone, for your visits, messages, prayers, service, kindness, love and concern. We are so blessed to have so many people that care for us and pray for us. 

Xoxo

Me 

Sleepover, Decorating, and Goodbyes

On the way home from the hospital on thanksgiving Claire chatted the entire way home and Julia fell asleep. Stephanie put Julia on the couch in the living room so she wouldn't feel like she missed the sleepover, love that. Stephanie and the girls had a great time at their sleepover. 

In the morning they woke up and decorated the tree for their room. They love putting all the ornaments on! My parents give each of them an ornament every year and they have quite the collection going. They had a great time. 

After Zeb got home from the hospital he helped Steph hang the stockings and hang the advent bags. My sister Angie saw and idea for a Christmas countdown with bags. Of course she wanted me to be able to do it for my girls so sHe bought and shipped the stuff and we worked on it together. She printed all the notes off and stuck them In the bags. Then when Stephanie got here she helped finish it all off. I'm so excited for the girls to do it each day. Saturday is the first one! 

I love that next year we will have another sticking to hang. :) 

Friday was the day aunt Stephanie had to go back to Utah. Thankfully I was in great spirits and so was she so we hugged and had one of the easiest goodbyes I think I've ever had with my family. Still kind of shocked. We loved having her here and are so grateful she could come. 

Learned my lesson when I forgot a picture with Ang! 

Another day down! 

Xoxo

Me 

So Much to be Thankful for...

Grateful to have such great friends in Texas that we're family. Grateful my family had an amazing home cooked meal. Thank you, dear friend. 

Love the pictures of the kids at dinner. 

Amazing pies...from scratch. 

Loved the touches for the kids!!!

After the amazing dinner Zeb, the girls, and Steph came here for pie and to bring me a plate of the yummy food. I am so grateful for my family. Words can't express how much they mean to me 

The girls got to go home with Aunt Stephanie for a sleepover and Zeb was able to stay with me. It was wonderful. 

In no matter what circumstances we are in I can't help but think that there are things to be thankful for. If we take a moment to pause and think about our lives with a positive perspective there are always blessings. Some days they are harder to see, but they are there. 

My sister made this book for me a few years ago and I had everyone write what they were thankful for this year. Here are a few things each person wrote:

Julia-dinner, parents, fish, house...

Audrey-church, Heavenly Father, mom and dad...

Hallie-aunts, uncles, cousins, brother Caleb, the world...

Claire-friends, life, Caleb and Atticus

Aunt Stephanie-to be a mother, her husband, to be in Texas for thanksgiving (which she gives Cindy a shoutout for a yummy dinner)...

Zeb-family, friends, job, wife, good relationship with in laws...

Me-grateful to still be pregnant, for a husband that is amazing and has been mom AND dad for 10 weeks while still taking care of me, being here for Caleb and me (and providing strength and a shoulder for me), for my girls and the many people that take care of them, for the second moms they have each week to fill in for me, for the countless acts of service on our behalf, for the hundreds of prayers said for our family, for the visits and messages, and for mine and Zeb's families and the help and love we feel from them. 

"When we encounter challenges and problems in our lives, it is often difficult for us to focus on our blessings. However, if we reach deep enough and look hard enough, we will be able to feel and recognize just how much we have been given."

President Thomas S. Monson 

Happy Thanksgiving!

Oh and I passed my 3 hour glucose test this morning. Wahoo! 

Xoxo

Me 

Sleepover Part 2

On Wednesday I texted Stephanie and asked if she would bring shampoo and conditioner and a blow dryer to do my hair. She brought it all and washed and dried my hair for me. I can't tell you how good it feels to have a clean scalp and normal looking hair when you go 2 weeks between washes. It was heaven. 

My feet have been super dry (understatement) since I don't take regular showers, just songe baths, so not enough skin is sloughing off naturally. That said, my feet were caked in dry skin like I have never seen before.  I will spare you the picture. It's was insane. So the girls got a basin and soaked my feet. The scrubbed them, put lotion on them and massaged them. They were so sweet. 

They even painted them! 

Claire asked if I would like her to shave my legs. Not gonna turn that down. She was so worried about my shin bone that's sticking out pretty far now. She was so worried that even the electric razor would cut them. She did a great job and they feel much better. At one point I told her our legs are probably close to the same size now since I lost my muscle. Her response was, "Probably our lower legs, but I don't think our thighs are." Uh for sure. My thighs and her thighs aren't even in the same bell curve. Love her. 

It is so much fun to be able to spend time with 2 of the girls at a time. I feel like I get to focus on them more. When all 4 are here for a couple hours I feel like I don't get to really "see" each of them. To spend so many days on break with them AND get a sleepover was awesome. I loved it. The girls did too. 

I seriously adore these girls. I couldnt get them to both smile without flashing a sign or puckering their lips to save my life. They are at such a fun age. 

It was so fun to spend time with my sister too. I love my sisters. So grateful Steph came and that she sacrificed thanksgiving with her family to have it with mine. So many nurses say she looks like my dark haired twin. I love it. We don't see it the way others do but it's fun to hear it. :)

We watched some duck dynasty, talked and then Got ready for bed. Claire and Hallie wanted to play monopoly. About two minutes into the game Stephanie was out. She pretty much runs around for me all day long. At about 11:30 we called it a night and hit the sack. 

The next morning was thanksgiving and the girls packed up their stuff and headed home. They'll come back later tonight with everyone for thanksgiving pie. Mmmmm 

I flailed my first glucose test thanksgiving morning so I get take the three hour one Friday. Fingers crossed. 

Xoxo

Me