Lexie has also passed you in age and that's hard for me. To top that all off Lexie woke up this morning with some fire ant bites on her face and then when I changed her clothes there was one inside her pajamas and her armpit was covered in bites. Poor sissy. So I spent a good amount of the day cleaning and meeting the pest company (who had already been here 2 times last week for those bugggers). Lexie also had to get a shot at the doctors office, bless her heart. Then when she was down for a nap Daddy had turned the monitor off and I didn't know so it wasn't on and I couldn't watch her. Somehow she got a hold of the cord that went to the monitor and wrapped herself up in it and I had no idea. It was half way around her neck and around her body a few times. I was in shock when I went to get her. It's been a doozy of a day. I'm ready for bed.
But I wanted to write to you and tell you that I love you. When we went to the cemetery yesterday it was hard to hold in the sobs I knew were coming. The girls were asking if we could decorate your grave for Halloween and Thanksgiving and the sobs just got stuck in my throat, I succeeded in keeping them there so the girls didn't lose it too. I wish we weren't decorating your grave. I wish you were here and were going to be dressing up with your sisters and trick or treating with us. I wish you were spending the holidays with us physically. Dad and I were talking last night and we are both surprised that we don't go to your grave as often as we thought we would. It's because we feel closer to you here at home. There are pieces of you all around the house and we are surrounded by memories of you in all the pictures. I'm so thankful that your memory and life are fresh and all throughout our home. I'm so grateful that we can feel you and that you're a part of our every day. Sometimes I feel like I am in a dream and that I haven't gone through what I have. But I would do it again because it means we have you. You are part of our family forever and we are so blessed you came to us.
I love you sweet, boy. All the way to heaven and back. You are intensely missed, greatly loved and always cherished.
xoxo
I love you with all of my heart, Leah. I hit my knees and prayed for you the second I woke up knowing it was another hard Caleb day yesterday. I miss him. I love him and he is part of ever single day of my life. Yesterday, Cohen wanted a balloon at the grocery store so he could send it to Caleb. We bought one and then came home and he colored him a leprechaun and taped it to the balloon. Just as I got home from an errand in the afternoon he had sent it to Caleb. I wish I would have had a picture for you. This morning.... as we walked outside, Cohen said... "I hope Jesus knows who to give that balloon to". :) Caleb is part of Cohen to his core. He still prays for him. I love you and am so sorry for your aching and missing. This time of year will forever remind me of you of Caleb and our week together in the hospital. Just yesterday I was picturing you putting Halloween make up on the girls from your hospital bed. Leah, I have always loved you. I have always looked up to you. There just aren't words to describe what I feel for you now. Someday when we are all in heaven together you will be amazed when you see into my heart and how much if it belongs to you and your baby you. I really truly do love you most.
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Ang
typos really bug me.... how much OF it belongs to you and to your baby BOY.
ReplyDeleteP.S. Those little buggers mess with Lexie again I just might have to come take care of them myself. ;)
Oh that picture of Caleb makes my heart burst. I don't know you personally but I think of him daily. Poor Lexie!!! Fire ants?! Are you kidding? Didn't even know them getting in clothes was a possibility!!! What a nightmare.
ReplyDeleteYeah the ants have invaded our house. I was so upset when I realized Lexie had at bites all over her armpit. :( Thank you for thinking of my Caleb. It makes my heart happy that he is thought of and loved even though his life was short. Thank you for still reading my blog. xoxo
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