Adrianne took your onesie off since you were so hot and took your temp. It was 100.5 so we turned the air down in the room to get you as cool as possible. She took it about 20 minutes later and it was 100. So she called the neonatologist and he ordered a bunch of labs. So far the blood work has cone back normal so hopefully it's absolutely nothing. They left the line in they used to take your blood just in case you need abtibiotics.
You finally calmed down and fell asleep before I left. I will be calling like crazy to check on you.
While I was at the hospital it was time to pump (I'm only getting about 2 ounces on each side the entire day in 6 sessions) so I decided I will focus on spending time with you instead of trying to pump. I've continued for weeks with little to no milk each session and I think my body is done. I can't tell you how hard it is for me to stop pumping. To feel like I can no longer provide something tangible for you. I have shed many tears over this. I tried my very hardest and that's all I can do. It hurts my heart. At least we still have some in the freezer you can have for another month or so. I'm trying to tell myself positive things and look on the bright side, but the truth is there will still be moments I wish I could keep doing this for you.
I love you, sweet boy of mine. More than you'll ever know.
Xoxo
Mom
Hey Zeb and Leah, its Eric. I read a conference talk recently that has given me some strength and I thought of you two. Its called refiner's fire by James E. Faust April 1979.
ReplyDeleteLeah, I know how much you want to give Caleb your milk. I'm sorry it looks like your body is done. I really understand how much you want keep doing this. When you think about it, your body has been pretty amazing. I think you are amazing. I think you have gone the extra mile many, many times physically. I think your body is finally drawing the line and saying "enough". You will continue to make a tremendous impact on Caleb by your presence, your faith, and the tangible love you surround him with. You've gotten him off to a solid start, and a good formula will take it from here. This will let you rest and heal, which will give you energy to help him in new ways. I love you so much, honey.
ReplyDeleteLeah, you are so amazing for all the effort you have put into pumping for Caleb. I don't know many women that could juggle all you do and still make time to pump as much as you have. We love you guys and pray for you all. Kiss those sweet cheeks for me! -Meredith
ReplyDeleteDang it Leah. I am so sorry. Your sweet Caleb knows what an amazing momma you are and he's not going to think about it another second. You tell him auntie cindy will step in if needed! Is that gross?!
ReplyDeletePs. He does have the most awesome checkers ever!