I have found that the older I get the harder Mother's Day is for me. Now that I have a child in heaven it just gets harder. I feel like Morher's Day causes me to see my faults under a magnifying glass and notice all of my flaws. When I think about not being able to spend it with one of my children it makes me feel so devasted I can't even express the pain I feel in my heart. Yet my other amazing children that I do get the privilege of spending it with I feel as though I am failing.
I know that Mother's Day is to show appreciation and love for the Mother's in our lives (whether biological or not) and celebrate them. It's not meant to be a day for mothers to feel like they should be perfect and down because they arent. I wish I felt more adequate to receive such praise from my girls.
If only my children, each of you, knew how much I love you and how hard I try to be the mother the Lord needs me to be. I love each of you more than words can express, more than there are sands in the sea, all the way to heaven and back. I will keep trying each day my hardest, and relying on the Lord to help me and strengthen me along the way. My savior is my light and my song. He leads me through life and gives me unconditional grace, love and mercy.
I miss you my seeet boy.
So very much.
Xoxo
Mom
I've been reading your blog since the beginning, a few years back I was your nieces T Ball coach! (Sienna) A couple months back I *think* I saw you at the Provo mall but I wasn't sure so I didn't introduce myself. If it was you had I wish I had, I just wanted to say I still think about Caleb:) I hope your sweet family is doing well!
ReplyDeleteCarlee
Oh my goodness you're so sweet to comment! You totally should have said something!!!! Something like that would make my day. I'd love to meat you before we move back to Texas!!! :)
DeleteHello I am currently in the NICU at Dallas Presbyterian and experiences something similar to your precious baby boy Caleb with my daughter Kennedi. I was told about your blog and to read. The doctors are awaiting an answer from us for G-tube with Nissen and also a Trach surgery. Where I was feeling alone your story your blog has brought me insight. Thank you for sharing your story. My baby is a little over a month old and mothers was extremely hard especially with my 5yr old wondering why his sister isn't home yet and he couldn't visit because NICU is still closed due to flu season right now. I hope you and your family are doing well.
ReplyDeleteLove Courtney
Courtney! Thank you so much for leaving a comment!!! Please email me at leahefish@gmail.com and I can give you my phone number so we can text.
DeleteYour comment means so much. I would love to connect with you if you're up for it. I'll be praying for your sweet daughter and family. My heart goes out to you. Xoxo
You are as good as they come Leah Fish. Caleb is so proud of his Mama. I love you with all of my heart. I'm sorry it's so hard. xoxoxo
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ReplyDeleteVery interesting post, thanks for share your feelings with us. Keep share with us. Loved your post.
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