Bless your heart

After I left yesterday dad was watching on the webcam and noticed you buried your face in the crib mattress. You knocked the tubing so hard into your nose that you gave yourself a bloody nose and the sides came unhooked. He called and they cleaned you up and replaced everything. Oh sweet boy! You poor thing. 

Your morning seemed to start off a bit tough but by the time I got there you had settled down. I just love to hold your hand and be by you. I want to scoop you up in my arms every time I see you. I would love to just crawl in bed beside you but your crib isn't big enough. 

Your NICU neighbor got to try nursing for the first time. I don't know if it was successful or not but that's really exciting for them. I hope I get to nurse you one day. I had a dream the other night. You were home and me, you, and dad were just hanging out. You were just chillin on our bed wide eyed and curious. I was able to nurse you for a minute. Then we bathed you in a real bath tub. I told zeb how wonderful it was for the hospital to let us bring you home for a little bit. And then I looked at zeb and said, "what if this is a dream? What if he's really still at the hospital?" Daddy said it's nice to have things feel good like this because it's been so hard seeing you in the hospital. I thought we should call the hospital to check on you even though you were there with us. And then I was right. It was a dream and I was starting to wake up. It was beautiful to have those feelings even if it was just a dream. When I told dad I had had a dream I didn't want to end he said, "Go take some NyQuil and go back to bed." :) 

So manybabies have come in the NICU and graduated to special care. I used to cry because I wanted it to be your turn but one day I decided that regardless of their story or how hard their NICU stay has or hasn't been it's a wonderful thing for that family. It's beautiful and wonderful and should be celebrated. Their family has longed for that day and it does my heart more good to be excited for them. Sonetines I have to remind myself more than others but I try really hard. 

When I got up at 3:30 to pump last night I checked in on you. I love having the webcam. I'm so so so grateful the NICU has it. Here's what I saw:

Oh how I love you. 

This was how you were sleeping when I got to the hospital today. 

Here's the onesie the nurse dressed you in today. And you ARE tough like daddy. 

Today marks a week on CPAP. You are one tough boy! I left the hospital quickly when I stated feeling nauseous. I was so worried I had a bug but now that's it's been several hours and I have a raging headache, I think it's a migraine. 

Well little mister I'm going to go to bed. I love you more than you'll ever know.

Xoxo

Mom

P.S. You broke 7 pounds on your due date! Way to go sweet boy!