Adversity, you're gonna hear me roar

This morning when I called to see how you were the nurse said she gave you a sopository and soon after you filled 3 diapers! Watch out! Your oxygen was at 67!!! When I called again just before I left to see you the day nurse said your x ray this morning showed the upper lobe of the right lung collapsed. It's not inflating. Your oxygen was back up to 80 and you'd had a really rough morning. You had cried from 7:15-8:55. Oh sweet, boy. 

On the way to the hospital I was listening to a song by Katy Perry called Roar. I was thinking about so many differnt things, so many emotions. Then I listened to the song as though it was about this trial. And this song will forever be about this trial. 

It's says

You held me down, but I got up

Already brushing off the dust

You hear my voice, you hear that sound

Like thunder gonna shake the ground 

You held me down but I got up 

get ready cause I've had enough

I see it all, I see it now

I got the eye of the tiger 

A fighter, dancing through the fire 

Cause I am a champion and you're gonna hear me roar

Louder, louder than a lion,

Cause I am a champion and you're gonna hear me roar

I sang the song at the top of my lungs. I sang it through lots of tears.  On repeat, over and over. I sang it with all the emotions I feel each day. While I was singing I was determined to brush off the dust and get back up. There are so many hard things in life. This is the hardest thing I have ever gone through. But I have a choice to keep going. To see blessings. To have faith. To have hope but ultimately keep trusting The Lord. Some days I feel like I'm punched even before I've gotten back up. Sometimes I feel like the blows keep coming. But I refused to be knocked out. As silly as it sounds, I AM a champion, I am. I have a Heavenly Father and savior who believe in me, who believe that I can endure this trial. I have a family who I love more than I can express, who believe in me. I have friends who are rooting for me, for you, for our family. Heavenly Father has given us each other and all the people in our lives to support us and fight with us. 

To all of you reading, you should try singing this song in your car. Loud. And sing at the top of your lungs. I recommend doing it when you're by yourself so you can let it go. So you can cry if you need to. I cried the ugly cry this morning. When you're singing it think about all the things for you that are hard. Things you feel like you can't do. Tell me if you don't feel like you can do hard things after singing this song. Allow yourself to believe the words, believe that you can get back up. Because you can. You're a champion. We all are. And we have a loving Heavenly Father, a savior, a family, and friends to love and support us. 

Caleb, you are definitely a fighter. You're still hanging in there on CPAP even with part of your lung collapsed. You're so strong and I am so proud of you. If you need to use the ventilator to help you that's okay. Sometimes we all need help. That's why we have a savior and that's what our friends and family are for. To help. 

I love you, Caleb. I am your number one fan. Well, Dad might argue with me on that one. Shoot, your sisters will too. I think it's possible to have lots of number one fans. Yep. It is, I just said so. :)

Xoxo

Mom