To Labor and Delivery and Back

Wednesday morning began just like a typical day here. I even had a few visitors which was totally awesome. Then in the afternoon around three I felt what I thought was amniotic fluid leaking but was shocked to see that it was blood. I was close to tears and pleaded to Heavenly Father for strength. Immediately following the bleeding I started contracting. I told my nurse and when the doctor came in to tell me we should move to labor and delivery I burst into tears. Caleb is just so little. I didn't want him to come yet. I stopped crying and tried to call Zeb. He was in a meeting and didn't have his phone. I didn't panic. I knew he would come soon. I was already receiving strength. I texted my friend that was going to bring the girls to come see me and told her not to bring them. I had her tell them I was getting  an IV put in and that the nurses had to do it then (which was true) so the girls couldn't come. They were bummed but were happy to go to the movies. The nurses and on call doctor were fast and efficient and within 15 minutes I had an IV in and was wheeled to labor and delivery. Still couldn't reach Zeb. Never once did I even consider calling his secretary. Duh. Thanks for the suggestion, Angie....

I'll file that one away for future reference. :)

Caleb wasn't head down anymore...I'm telling you this boy is an acrobat. He was tolerating the contractions well which was reassuring. Through this whole ordeal he looked strong and healthy and "textbook perfect. Really strong for a 24 weeker," as the nurses said. I finally heard from Zeb that he was on his way. I talked to one of my sisters and burst into tears again thinking of how little Caleb still is. The doctor came in so I dried my eyes and got off the phone. After I talked to the doctor I laid there thinking and wondering if Caleb was going to come or not. Immediately the words came to mind when Christ was on the cross and said, "Father, into thy hands I commend my spirit." At that moment I completely turned everything over to Heavely Father. I set all my feelings, emotions and desires aside and put everything in His hands. I was calm and it felt right. I didn't stress anymore. I didn't worry anymore. I didn't cry again. I was strengthened and am now able to understand what turning my burdens over to The Lord really feels like. I have always read in the scriptures that He can and will take our burdens from us but I didn't have an experience where I had witnessed that firsthand to a life changing extent. Now I have. Christ will not only make your burdens light, He can take them from you for a time. 

When Zeb got to the room my contractions were about 2 minutes apart. The magnesium (which can stop contractions and which is also essential for the neuroanatmoy of premature babies in helping to prevent brain bleeds) was starting to really kick in. It's pretty much awful. I tend to have vomiting reactions to medications and it was no different with the mag. Thankfully once I threw up and took anti nausea meds the vomiting stopped. It's hard to explain what magnesium feels like. Its hard to breathe,  you're disoriented, you feel completely out of it and you're just plain sick. After being on it for several hours I remember thinking, "If I don't end up having Caleb, I don't think I can do this again."

The contractions started getting further and further apart, I didn't sleep at all that night. Just a few minutes here and there. You're too sick to sleep on magnesium and there are so many machines and beeping anyway. Zeb was amazing, he would just stroke my hair and kiss my forehead. When you're threatening to deliver you can't eat anything so all I could have was ice chips (for 27 hours by the time I was in the clear.) He just fed me ice chips over and over. I ended up getting oxygen since the mag can lower your level so my throat was really dry. I bet Zeb spoon fed me hundreds of ice chips. Have I mentioned that I love him? Man I am lucky. People stepped in and took care of the girls for which I am so grateful. Truly. 

Thursday morning a friend came and helped Zeb give me a blessing. Blessings always give me a source of strength beyond my own. Seems like we waited for days to see the high risk doctor to have the ultrasound but it was only hours. Once we were able to see him he said the placenta wasn't detaching and the bleeding was probably coming from the edge of the placenta. I had a little more fluid than I did Monday, about 3.8cm and my cervix looked closed. By that time the contractions had almost stopped completely. He told the nurse and OB that since the bleeding had lessened and contraction had almost stopped to take me off the magnesium at 24 hours and watch me closely for the next few. I knew I would do the magnesium again if I needed to because it will help Caleb. If you deliver before term the baby needs magnesium a few hours before delivery to help them.  

Once I came off the magnesium I felt a little better. The contractions didn't pick up and I ordered dinner. We face timed the girls and as always I love seeing their darling faces. After dinner and once the antepardem unit was ready for me I came back up to my room. I was so happy to leave labor and delivery still pregnant. I would randomly announce cravings during the day when I was starving. Zeb left the room to get something to eat and came back with almost everything I mentioned I wanted to eat...all candy and chocolate. We sat there eating treats and talking. Boy was it a celebration. The dove chocolate wrapper said, "You worked hard, reward yourself." I would say the best reward was to still be pregnant because I had no idea which way it was going to go. 

Once you start bleeding and contracting after having pPROM it is up and down and can happen over and over. They don't know if bleeding causes contractions or if the contractions cause the bleeding but they typically come together. Now that I've had this new complication when I feel leaking I am hoping its fluid and not blood. We just continue to take each day as it comes. I can tell you this, The Lord WILL take your burdens and make them light. He took mine. We all have trials and difficult times in our lives but we are never left it to face them alone. He didn't leave me and if you turn to Him, He won't leave you. 

Another day down.

Xoxo

Me

Here's what the girls were up to:

Despicable Me 2!!!

Costco. Seriously who doesn't love costco?

Baths and bed.

Couldn't do any of this without the help, support and prayers fromour family and friends. Xoxo times a million to all of you.