Shift in Audience

I've decided to change my posts. From now on my posts will be to Caleb. I want to write specifically to him. Tell him how he's doing, what we are feeling, what progress he's making and just how much we love him. So these notes are to Caleb.

Caleb,

Hi sweet boy. This morning was a tough one for me with lots of tears and the desire to stay in bed all day long. It's so hard to have you fighting for your life? I feel helpless. I managed to stop crying and get out of bed because you were waiting for me to come. I also had a new outfit from one of your aunties to dress you in. Something you need to know about me is that I love to put clothes on babies. You look mighty handsome in the outfit. 

After I changed you I got to hold you. Only this time I put you on my chest and snuggled you like crazy. Your oxygen was around 65-70 all night and when I held you we actually got to turn the oxygen down a percent or two. I loved that you loved being held. In fact I held you for 2 hours and fell asleep with you for a couple minutes. Dad was so sweet to let me hold you for so long that he didn't get a turn. He even left to get the girls from school so I could be with you longer. 

I love the way you smell and that your hair was greasy. We haven't seen a response with the meds we are giving you so we are going to try a different steroid to see if your lungs will respond. We will probably start that next week. I wish we didn't have to give you so many meds. But we have to try them to see if they'll help. The new breathing tube still has a leak bigger than the doctor likes so they may add a cuff to it to eliminate some of the leaking. I told the doctor that even though you still need a lot of oxygen that you have made a lot of progress. You have done awesome in the big boy crib, you regulate your body temperature, you didn't go back to the high frequency ventilator, you have gained over two pounds, and you're eating a good amount. Not to mention the amount of stimulation you can tolerate now. I'm so proud of you. Your little body and lungs are working so hard. You sleep a lot and I am grateful that they haven't had to sedate you because you really tolerate the breathing tube rather well. 

There are so many people praying for you Caleb. So many people who love you. When I left you were on 68 percent oxygen and when we called the NICU tonight you were still at 68. Julia has a fever tonight so mom or dad may just come to be with you tomorrow instead of us both coming. Your sisters want to meet you so bad. Hopefully soon. 

Love you sweet boy. So much. 

Xoxo

Mom