Whirlwind of Information

Since arriving Monday we have been given a lot of information that has been really hard. With that information doctors have asked us questions that they need answers to. Questions I hope none of our family and friends ever have to answer.

We've been given statistics that are terrible, outcomes that are frightening, and scenarios we wish we weren't facing. But this is our reality right now. Some days I just take things an hour at a time. Time means everything. 70 percent of babies born at 23 weeks don't survive. Of the 30 percent that do, 20 percent go home with disabilities. With the low fluid levels there is high risk of still birth due to pinching of the umbilical cord and no where to move. Little or no fluid also give high risk for limb abnormalities. Those risks will be there until he is born or fluid goes up. No matter what I do I continually leak each day and my fluid level on Monday evening was 1.9cm. At 24 weeks, survival is 40 percent and at 25 weeks, although still rocky and not out of the woods as far as disabilities and complications at birth, survival goes up to about 50-70 percent. I could go into labor anyday or I could continue for weeks with low fluid. 

I wish I could say, "just come ask me in a few weeks," but that's not realistic. The doctors have to know what measures we will take if I go into labor tonight because they need to have all doctors and specialists on the same page with the same plan. I'm just glad the first few days here are over. Although we are still in the same situation it's nice to have the last few days out of the way.

I completely understand how hard days can be at home with every day things that arise with kids. How much house work there is. How many dishes there are to wash. How many loads of laundry that I dreaded putting away. Having so many things on my list of to do's that I wish I didn't have to do anything. Or the feeling of being 9 moths pregnant and wanting to have the baby so badly because of swelling and being just plain uncomfortable. The lack of sleep because my belly was just so big. But honestly those things are all blessings. I would love to be home making dinner for what feels like the 50th time this week or doing a load of dishes for the fifth time today. I would love to be swollen and feel like a whale because my belly is so big. I may not have those things right now but I can tell you this, not a day goes by that I don't try to see the blessings I have. My perspective is better and I am 
stronger because of it. At the end of the day, good or bad here, I feel strength and love. I am determined to be a better mother because of this trail. A stronger person because of this trial. I will be able to mourn and comfort those in need better. Bot most of all I will, and do, have an even stronger testimony of my Savior. He has comforted me and given me strength constantly. He has blessed my family through the love and service of family and friends around us. Trials are part of life. They are part of living in this world. I am no exception, my family is no exception. But I know how I choose to endure this trial is up to me. Some days are harder than others, and this trial is far from over. But for now I want to look and the blessings I have and the things I am learning. I feel a sense of relief to 
get to through today and I'm going with that! :)

Another day down.
Xoxo
Me