Less than 8 weeks! Wait, what?

I went to see Dr. Gillean this week. I never tire of seeing my babies on ultrasound. And with Alexis I get one at every appointment. Helps us see that things are normal and puts our minds at ease, as much as they can be. 

Things are still good so far. She's growing and moving like crazy. We got a call from the Doctors office after the appointment that the c-section is scheduled. Your little sister will be born on 3/4/15!! That's less than 8 weeks away unless she comes sooner, but there are no indications that will happen. 

Being pregnant after having so many complications and losing a child is hard to put into words and extremely difficult. I still worry  we might lose her. I still worry something will happen. That's part of the reason I'm not going to try to have her naturally after having you c section. Your pregnancies are very close together and this is my 6th pregnancy. We don't want to take any chances of my uterus rupturing. 

My heart has been broken and a piece of it is with you. My heart will never be the same. I know my heart grows and changes with each child. I remember loving Claire so much and feeling it get larger when I first laid eyes on Hallie after  she was born. It's an amazing feeling and happens with each child. It's truly miraculous. After experiencing the last 15 months I realize even more how remarkable the heart is. The intense love you can feel one minute and extreme heartbreak you can feel moments later is mind blowing. Although the heartbreak has come with you for so long...since last September when everything started, the joy and love I have experienced with you has been worth it. The ups outweigh the downs. You are my son and so perfectly pure. I am honored to call you mine. I long for the day I can hold you in my arms again. Oh if you only knew. 

Watch over us these next few months, sweet angel. The rollercoaster we have been on is still racing ahead and I'm trying to hold on. One day at a time. 

All my love,

Mom