Your Grave Marker

We have been working on your grave marker for a very very long time. After weeks and weeks of looking at the proof, making changes and repeating the process we finally gave the go ahead for your grave marker. It can take up to 8 weeks to be made and installed and we were hoping it would be here before your first birthday. It was really hard to plan what to put on your marker. When people were picking out Halloween costumes we were picking out what would mark your grave. So many choices for such a difficult thing. I wanted it to be perfect and we went through lots of proofs. After only about 5 weeks once it was finalized, your grave marker was delivered and installed today. While I love having it here it's also hard to see. 

Here it is my angel, I hope you like it. 

The top middle is a base for your vase. I can't wait to bring you flowers, sweet boy. 

As we left the cemetery I couldn't help but look at the caleb sky. 

Today your baby sister is 24 weeks. Big day. I remember when I was 24 weeks and a few days with you and in labor and delivery threatening to deliver. You were breech that day and so tiny that they were talking about an emergency c section that would need to be classical. The incision would run up and down instead of across my abdomen. They asked if we were planning on having more children because if you have a classical c section you can't have another child. Dad and I both discussed how difficult another pregnancy would be and that we couldn't see another pregnancy in our future. I remember the doctors saying, "So you would want to go through major surgery for a baby that may not survive?" My answer was a resounding yes. Of course I would. I had to give you the best chance I could to fight for your life, but you stayed inside for 5 more weeks.  In L&D last November I never would have guessed that just a year later that you would be back in heaven and I would be pregnant with your baby sister. But God knew and was with me that day. He was strengthening me then just as He is strengthening me now. Some moments feel impossible but my Savior's grace gives me enough to make it to another day, and then another. There are times I wish it didn't require so much out of me. Times I wish I didn't have to work so hard and give so much effort. But if the Savior gave me constant relief and kept my burdens upon him all the time I would be at a great disadvantage. Not only would I not learn and grow, I would become weaker. He tells us to yoke ourselves with him and he will help carry our load. He knows the perfect balance of when to take more and when to give back more than we think we can handle. I believe that although there are moments we feel too stretched, He truly knows us perfectly. He will not leave us comforless. I am grateful for his perfect love. For His mercy and grace. 

I love you, sweet Caleb.

I miss you. 

Love,

Mom